Good writing draws the reader into the story by engaging all senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Recently, I submitted the first chapter of my work in progress—my sequel to Crooked Lines—to my critique group. My crit partner said, “I’m not hearing anything.”
I returned to my WIP and considered what Rebecca would hear, standing near the shore of the Indian Ocean, days after the tsunami hit. Having been there, it wasn’t difficult to recall sounds.
Going back to my debut novel, Crooked Lines, I returned to a scene with Rebecca on the Lake Michigan shoreline to check how well I used senses.
The whoosh and trickle of the whispering waves beckoned me to the shoreline. (sound) Gulls screeched and circled around dead glittering minnows. (sound, sight) Chilly water rolled over my feet and lapped my ankles. (touch).
I could have added the smell of the dead minnows to that scene.
Crooked Lines goes back and forth between America and India, so let’s pop over to India, where Sagai is returning to his native state, Tamil Nadu:
After days of bumping, jostling, and elbows jabbed into his ribs on buses and trains, Sagai arrived at the station to a buzz of traffic jammed up and pressed against a lowered train gate. Petrol and diesel fumes left an acrid taste in his mouth. Women on backs of motorcycles raised the corners of their sarees to their mouths.
Arlee Bird says
I’m pretty bad about delivering sensate experiences in my writing. You’ve done a nice job here. To me good descriptive passages that allow us to experience senses should be unobtrusive and natural unless a sensate nature is the primary focus. I like to read passages that flow, involving me without distracting me.
Good points to ponder.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Dean K Miller says
Indeed, indeed, indeed. Thanks for the reminder. I write more emotionally charge pieces which end up dry because the texture of the senses get left out.
L. Diane Wolfe says
Enjoy India!
As a photographer, I love taking pictures with texture, but I usually forget to describe it in my writing.
Susan Gourley/Kelley says
I usually remember to keep the senses in the scene but not always. Holly has led a very exciting life.
Alex J. Cavanaugh says
That’s something I have to really focus on, especially the sense of smell. Not something I think about, but we need it to add depth to our work.