I started posting these resolutions on my Facebook page and now hope to lure a few more visitors over here to read the whole list. Making resolutions has always been a useless endeavor for me because I made the list too long, the goals were too ambitious, and I felt way too pressured to get it right. I failed regularly. This year, I’ve chosen to create a list of ten things I resolve not to do. And, of course, I made the list extremely easy for me to achieve.
One: I resolve not to go skydiving…ever.
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I’ve watched the elderly George H. W. Bush do it on his birthdays and have concluded the man has a death wish. If I were his age, I’d be doing everything possible to stay alive. As a matter of fact, at my age I’m doing everything possible to stay alive. If I tried to jump out of an airplane, even with a parachute and expert co-jumper, I think I would die as soon as I felt my feet leave the plane.
Two: I resolve not to post even one single political update or comment on Facebook or Twitter. Not even one!!!
I already avoid doing that, although I weakened a time or two and attempted to be the voice of reason by leaving a correction on someone’s moment of craziness on Facebook. Why bother? The folks who post that stuff are preaching to their choirs and they don’t give a rat’s patootie whether I disagree or know the update is untrue and/or simple propaganda.
Three: I resolve not to go ice skating, skiing, or train to run in a marathon.
I broke a bone in my foot in March and had a screw put in it, thereby losing three months of mobility. In October, I had knee replacement surgery, and lost a couple of months to healing and physical therapy. Any activity where I might damage myself or my new knee is verboten because I really don’t like pain.
Four: I resolve not to buy any little gadgets in 2016, and that includes smart phones, smart watches, smart glasses, and that Fitbit thingie.
Why does anyone want to be tethered to all this cute technology? I have a stupid phone for emergencies, and a tablet for reading ebooks or accessing email when I travel. That’s enough! Even the pedometer annoyed me with its insistence I walk 10,000 steps a day so I sure as heck wouldn’t put on one of those fitness trackers.
Five: I resolve not to jump in an ice cold lake during one of those insane Polar Bear plunges (or any ice cold lake or river anywhere on earth, for that matter).
Who does that? Once when we were young and stupid, my brother and I chopped our way through the ice in a row boat to rescue my parents’ pug who had walked out on the ice and fallen in. We saved the dog, and I’d probably do that again, but just jump in water that cold for the fun of it? I don’t think so.
Six: I resolve not to drive in a Nascar or Grand Prix or Formula One or any other kind of car race.
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Back in 1985 my husband and I attended the Grand Prix in Monaco. The cars would roar by in front and then behind the bleachers where we sat. I’ve also been to the Indy 500 time trials. It’s exciting and exhilarating and terrifying just watching. The thought of being inside one of those cars going full speed around the track takes my breath away. It could even be worse than sky diving.
Seven: I resolve not to clean Katie Cat’s nose prints off the window more than twice a year.
The real resolution, of course, is not to obsess over cleaning house, including dusting, vacuuming, and washing windows and blinds. If I kept this house really clean, I’d never have time to write.
Eight: I resolve not to eat black walnuts.
It’s weird–I love English walnuts but find black walnuts disgusting. The taste is so vile to me I have to spit out the offending food if I’ve taken an unsuspecting bite of a black walnut. Usually I can identify them from smell so the spitting thing doesn’t happen very often.
Nine: I resolve not to answer the phone, especially during this election year, unless I recognize the name or phone number on our caller ID and really want to answer.
I’ve been working on this for quite a while and must admit I experience sheer pleasure when I choose not to answer the phone.
Ten: I resolve not to break any of my 2016 resolutions.
So what do you think? Any thing else come to mind that you can resolve not to do in 2016? A couple of folks on Facebook mentioned bungee jumping. That’s a good one. I’m not going to do that either.
Love the resolutions, and I could add them to my list, although I do have a FitBit. LOL. I actually like keeping track of my steps and it is amazing how quickly they add up.
Why, as I was reading through this list, did I entertain the idea of turning it into MY “to-do” list? You and I have so much in common, some days. And yet, I started thinking, “Why the heck NOT?” Except on the “anything that could damage healed body parts” thing – but then again, I’m not ready to BE a careful old lady. I think that’s the part that’s residually bothering me the most about my ankle. And my balance issues. Forget it – I want to go mountain climbing! (Why? I never did BEFORE… but now it seems like a challenge, I guess, and I want to.)
I can’t even make it a week on the “no political posts” thing, so if you feel the need to sneak in some commentary, you just come on over to my Facebook wall. (It’s civil; I don’t allow it to be any other way. I won’t even pretend it’s non-partisan over there, but I do welcome other viewpoints and things I may not have considered.)
I like to drive fast, but not NASCAR fast. Oddly, I’ve always said “NO SKYDIVING, EVER!!” but lately I’ve thought of old G.W. Bush and thought, “Well, why NOT?” It’s not very likely to kill you, compared to half the other things we do on a regular basis. You’re probably more likely to die choking on a black walnut. 😉
I don’t need any MORE gadgets, for the moment, unless one breaks, but this feels like cheating – that’s only because I got a new Fitbit and smart phone in the last six months.
For some really odd reason, I now feel like tempting fate and going outside to climb my tree.
Holly, that’s all just because you’re still a young chick and I’m not. I was braver when I was younger. Sadly I procrastinated too long on the hot air balloon ride and eventually took it off my bucket list, but I’ve had a few other amazing adventures. Nowadays, I’m more interested in staying whole and healthy so I can write and have fun with my new camera, etc. Last year during my broken foot experience and then the knee replacement, combined with my mom’s health crises that challenged my ability to handle everything long distance, I wasn’t able to do much writing at all. I guess it’s all about priorities and they do change over time.
As for the politics, I only resolved to avoid politics on Facebook and Twitter. I can always go rogue and post something political here….or not. 😀
Have you ever had a chance to climb trees? It’s wonderful. We had a huge black cherry tree on the farm when I was young and it had a perfect “thinking” limb that I could get to easily. I had a great view of the orchard and barnyard. I could sit there for ages and always felt happy and safe. It”s one of my best childhood memories. If you decide to go climb a tree, make sure it’s the right tree with the right view so you can stay up there awhile. You’ll like it.
I made one resolution – it fits right into your bunch I think. I resolve not to feel obligated to finishing what is on my plate, especially at diners. There. Done and dusted.
That fits perfectly with my list. And it’s a good one. Cleaning our plate is a horrible obligation we learned when we were children and it’s time to let it go.
Oh, Pat, these are great resolutions! I just love ’em. I especially like the one about what you intend (not) to post on social media. And the one about Katie Cat’s noseprints. You should see the noseprints our dogs leave on our car windows after they go anywhere…
Those noseprints are precious, like baby handprints. It’s only when I can no longer see out the window that I feel the need to wash them off.
I resolve not to eat tofu, and not to snap the heads off people who keep telling me “You just need to taste it when it’s cooked right.”
LOL — I’m with you on that one, Sheila. I’ve tried it, and it’s awful.
I’m with you on the cleaning. I want to keep our home clean, but I also want to do other things, like write and make art and have some fun. I’m still struggling to find the balance, but I’m getting there. 🙂
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Madeline. I had a nice cleaning gal for a couple of years and she did the hard stuff for me like floors and vacuuming. She has moved away, so now I’m working out what’s really important and what can slide. Our house is just too big for our needs but we aren’t in the right mood to downsize yet.
I’m with you on many of these. I did acquire a smart phone in 2015, but I didn’t buy it. My wife gave me her old one when she upgraded. I actually am beginning to like it.
Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out
Oh no, not you! Soon you’ll be one of those people glued to their smartphone–they never make eye contact with real humans again. 😀
I’m resoluting to work off your list as I’m to lazy to make my own! Thankfully you didn’t list “finish a novel” ‘cuz I’m not sure I’d keep that one.
Dean, that resolution would have been: I resolve not to finish a novel in 2016, a bit counter-productive as I might be able to finish the one I’m now revising.
I would sky dive but my husband won’t let me. LOL
Kitty nose prints. We have them on every window. Especially by the bird feeder.
Hi Diane — you’re very brave. I’m not sure what my husband would say if I suggested I wanted to try it. There are some days he might encourage it. 😀
The one about cat nose prints is funny.
I’m with you on the first two and number five. I like living smart.
I like living, Alex. There are enough dangers just driving a car or walking through an icy parking lot without pushing my luck.
I think you’re on to something here, Pat! I’ve never made New Year’s resolutions, but if I were ever to do so, these would be the ones I’d adopt. And I’d add this one: I resolve not to touch snakes. I know, I know, they’re fascinating creatures and an important element in the balance of nature. But I don’t like them. I once tried to handle a snake at an exhibit, just to prove that I could do it, only to find the idea creeped me out so much I ducked out of the line up (yeah, there was a line up to touch a snake–go figure).
I wouldn’t get in a line to touch a snake either. That’s just weird. The only thing I can think of that would be worse would be holding a tarantula….or any spider for that matter.
Love these, Pat!! I think I can resolve these right along with you! I used a pedometer for a few days at work and was always over my 10k steps before the end of the workday so I’ve decided not to worry and just do what I do.
I’d resolve not to worry so much, but that’s never going to happen! 🙂
Hope 2016 is very good to you!
Hi Jemi!! What kind of work did you do to always get your 10,000 steps? I had to work at it and I got stressed every time I missed my goal…which was almost every day.