Pat, a plethora of thanks for allowing me to spew my verbiage on the site that is your Intranets web document. I wish you the best of luck on your medical procedure, although I’m not too sure total body plastic surgery is the way to go. Still, it’s your choice if you wish to look like James Carville.

Reader, take a look at your couch. What do you mean you can’t look at it? Oh, I see. You’re sitting on it. And you have a remote in your hand. Let’s see what you’re watching … The Secrets of Donald Trump’s Hair. Ah, you were watching the 27th replay of Storage Wars but you fell asleep at some point in time. No wonder there’s a puddle of drool in your lap.

So, um, how productive have you been today? Let me guess, you decided to watch an hour or so of television to decompress and that turned into seven hours of interrupted binge viewing. Now you feel guilty because you didn’t do anything to forward your writing. In addition, you’re starting to wonder if the dampness in your lap really is drool. Don’t worry, because you’re not the only one who feels like this. In fact, there are plenty of creatives who are lured by the soothing calls of their couches.

There’s scientific research to back this up. A study by the Center for Cognitive Liberty and Ethics determined that watching hours of television releases natural opioids that lower brain function to the point of reptilian behavior. That’s right – you have as much brain power watching television as an iguana does sunning itself on a rock. This is the main reason you don’t feel productive after a lengthy period on the couch. Plus, you have a hankering to read the Duck Dynasty memoir.

I was once like you. I used to sit on my couch and scan the 900 channels of putrid fecal matter for something interesting to watch because I felt the Publication Fairy was going to do all the work for me. Turns out there is no Publication Fairy – just a Guilt Fairy that pounds on the top of my head with a mallet screaming “Get off the couch, you reptile.” And that’s what I did. I shunned the couch, hid the remotes, set a schedule, and got working.

I’ve been able to produce more material on a regular basis than I did before I decided to unfriend my couch. Non-creative tasks gets done quicker in order to make way for the ones I that can take me to the next level of accomplishment. My head is clearer, I have more energy, and the scales along my hide are shinier.

Don’t let the lures of the couch drain your productivity. Make a conscience effort to break up with your living room furniture in order to make your dreams come true. And be assured that you and the couch can become friends again once you reach those goals and watch an episode of Real Housewives in your vacation chateau.

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Richard Keller literally has no time to sit on the couch. He’s the founder of Wooden Pants Publishing, Assistant Director of Northern Colorado Writers, and host of the NCW Podcast and KRFC’s Between the Pages. Learn more about ways to increase your productivity at Rich’s author website and his new podcast titled “The Off the Couch Initiative.” Since this writing Rich has reconciled with his couch, but only for needed naps.