I hardly need to consult my trusty Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary to explain “useless.” I found the following useless items around my house (and garage):
1. Erasers. I have a delete key. My eraser is an ornament.
I keep a few erasers around my office just in case the computer dies or the power goes out when I’m in the mood to write. I keep legal pads around the house for the same reason.
2. The landline telephone. I hate to talk on the phone so I rarely answer it. Most incoming calls are hangups, which means the call was going to be a useless waste of my time anyway. If callers leave a message on the answering machine, I can screen the call and answer immediately, or I can call the person back later…or I can delete the call and forget it.
The only reason we keep the landline is for emergencies. Although we have cell phones that we never turn on, one is kept in the car and one in my purse. If the house was on fire, it would be faster to grab the phone in the kitchen to dial for help than to track down my purse or run out to the garage, turn on the phone, wait for a signal, then dial.
3. Dead computers. We have several pieces of old electronic equipment that aren’t in good enough condition to donate to a charitable organization.
They sit around the house gathering dust because we can’t put them in the recycle bin. One of these days we’ll load up the car and tote them to the dead equipment relocation camp…one of these days.
4. Big stupid shrub that keeps the front gate from opening all the way. When I have the tree guys come to prune the apple tree, the shrub is going to bite the dust.
It stayed as long as it did because we kept thinking magical gnomes would fix the problem while we slept.
5. Cardboard boxes. Lots of them. At first I saved the ones I thought would be useful for gifts and mailing. After I accumulated too many, I moved them to the garage to share space with bigger boxes (like the lawn mower box).
I’m actually making progress here because we recently transferred our garbage contract to a system with a bigger recycle bin on wheels. And I bought my very own box-cutter (with a pretty orange handle and a handy-dandy mini-cutter which I could carry in my purse — which I would probably forget to take out before my next airline trip and therefore would end up marched away in plastic handcuffs surrounded by grim-looking agents toting automatic weapons).
Sorry…fiction writers tend to get carried away at the tiniest opportunity…
I am recycling more cardboard now, and I have not yet cut myself. I’ve decided to keep the mini-cutter in my office (not my purse).
6. A large plastic bin full of old T-shirts and socks that I intend to use as dust rags. Hahahahaha! Dust rags. For dusting. Hahahahaha!
I could come up with a lot more useless things in my house, yard, and life, but I try to limit the length of my posts. What about you? Do you have anything useless in your house?